Redneck Jokes - Funny Joke
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A Roomful of Rednecks
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in
a room?
A full set of teeth.
A Sack Full of
Chickens
One day there were two men walking down a
dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack
over his shoulder. The other decided to ask
what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man
said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner
tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds
good tonight.''
The other one wanted to
know how many chickens were in the sack.
''Well I'll tell you,''
replied the man, ''If you can guess how many
chickens I got in this here sack I'll give
them both to you.''
A Special Night in
Iowa
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors
parked in front of a McDonalds on Friday
night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
Airplane Hijinx
Two women, one from the north and one from
the south, are seated next to one another on
a plane.
"Where you flyin' to?"
says the southern woman. The northern woman
turns up her nose.
"Don't you know you should
NEVER end a sentence with a preposition?"
The southern woman thinks about this for a
second.
"Where you flyin' to,
bitch?"
American Divorce
If a man and a woman get married in Texas
and move to Washington are they still
brother and sister?
Ark-N-Saw
A new law recently passed in Arkansas.
When a couple is divorced, they can still
legally be brother and sister.
Arkansas Scholars
Questions and answers selected from tests in
Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old
students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of
these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the
processes by which water can be made safe to
drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to
drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A:
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes
them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A
body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides
in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight
between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because
there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic
society, how important are elections? A:
Very important. Sex can only happen when a
male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A:
Things for keeping carpets still on the
stairs.
Q: What happens to your
body as you age? A: When you get old, so do
your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy
when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye
to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.
Q; Name a major disease
associated with cigarettes. A: Premature
death.
Q: How can you delay milk
turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts
of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A:
The body is consisted into three parts - the
brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A:
A small lie
Q: What does "varicose"
mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common
form of birth control? A: Most people
prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the
term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean
section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A
Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal
illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a
fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A:
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places
and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word
"benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be
after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A:
Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It
lays eggs.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the
processes by which water can be made safe to
drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to
drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A:
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes
them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A
body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides
in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight
between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because
there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic
society, how important are elections? A:
Very important. Sex can only happen when a
male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A:
Things for keeping carpets still on the
stairs.
Q: What happens to your
body as you age? A: When you get old, so do
your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy
when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye
to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.
Q; Name a major disease
associated with cigarettes. A: Premature
death.
Q: How can you delay milk
turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts
of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A:
The body is consisted into three parts - the
brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A:
A small lie
Q: What does "varicose"
mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common
form of birth control? A: Most people
prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the
term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean
section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A
Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal
illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a
fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A:
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places
and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word
"benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be
after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A:
Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It
lays eggs.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the
processes by which water can be made safe to
drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to
drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed? A:
The sun shines down on the leaves and makes
them perspire.
Q: What is a planet? A: A
body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides
in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight
between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because
there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic
society, how important are elections? A:
Very important. Sex can only happen when a
male gets a election.
Q: What are steroids? A:
Things for keeping carpets still on the
stairs.
Q: What happens to your
body as you age? A: When you get old, so do
your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy
when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye
to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.
Q; Name a major disease
associated with cigarettes. A: Premature
death.
Q: How can you delay milk
turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts
of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A:
The body is consisted into three parts - the
brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The branium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A,E,I,O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula? A:
A small lie
Q: What does "varicose"
mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common
form of birth control? A: Most people
prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the
term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean
section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A
Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal
illness? A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a
fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A:
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places
and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word
"benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be
after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine? A:
Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It
lays eggs.
Arkansas State
Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_)
Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack
(_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M
_____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____
Right
Occupation: (_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed
Spouse's Name:
__________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle
(_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_)
Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living
in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name:
_______________________ Father's Name:
_______________________ (If not sure, leave
blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle
highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent
your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of
vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that
still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front
yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___
Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where
you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____
bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed
Model and year of your
pickup: ___________194_
Newspapers/magazines you
subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera
Digest
___ Number of times you've
seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen
Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color
of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco
you prefer: (_)Red-Man
How far is your home from
a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't
know
Arkansas Toothbrush
How do you know that the toothbrush was
invented by a redneck?
If it was invented by
anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".
Arkansas: It's A Wild
Place
Why are there no fertility clinics in
Arkansas?
They would tell the women to try another
brother.
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