Redneck Jokes - Funny Joke
You might be i redneck if
you drive your ...
You might be a redneck if you drive your
truck through a metal detector...and it
doesn't go off.
A Country War
A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were
fighting in a war, and both were caught by
"Before i put you to death," said the enemy,
"do you have any last requests?"
The Alabama man said,
"Could you shoot me after you play the song
"Sure," the man agreed.
"How about you?"
The Tennessee man said, "COuld
you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabam?"
A young man was pulled over by the
Mississippi State Police for speeding. The
officer stepped out of his patrol car,
adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to
the young man's window. "What chew driving
so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let
me see your license, boy." The young man
handed over his license.
Then the officer noticed that the back seat
of the car was full of large knives. The
officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them
knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied,
"Well sir, I'm a juggler."
The officer spat some
tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler;
well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on
the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with
the officer not to take him to jail. He
offered to prove to the officer that he was
a juggler by way of demonstration. He said,
"You can even hold me at gunpoint while I
juggle for you." The officer reluctantly
allowed him to prove his point while he held
him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at
Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up
with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left
and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He
proceeded down the road trying his best to
stay on the right side. All of a sudden
Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable
sight of his life! He drove to the nearest
phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's
Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.
When Jerry Lee got on the
phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when
you leave that tavern, don't go north on
route 109. The state police are giving a
sobriety test that nobody can pass!"
Fast Food for Rednecks
You might be a redneck if you think fast
food is hitting a deer at 60 miles an hour.
There was this redneck
that walked into a ...
There was this redneck that walked into a
bar and ordered a beer. While he was waiting
on his drink he noticed a jar of money
sitting on the counter. When the bartender
came back the redneck asked the bartender
about the money.
The bartender replied,
"Well, this money is for the goat we have
The redneck was puzzled so
he asked again. "What exactly is this money
The bartender replied.
"Well, We have a goat outside and he just
lays there and never moves or hollers or
anything and who ever can make him holler
gets this money."
So the redneck finished
him beer and goes outside.
He comes back in and the
goat is laughing so hard and can't stop. The
bartender askes how he did it and the
Redneck won't answer. So the redneck walks
out of the bar with the money.
A week later the Redneck
comes in and sees the same bartender. He
orders the same thing. And this time he sees
another jar of money. He askes the bartender
what this money was for.
The bartender replies
"Well, ever sence you got that goat to
laugh, we can't get him to stop. So we made
another jar. Who ever can get that goat to
stop laughing gets the money."
So, just like last time he
finished his beer and went out side.
Well when he came in, the
goat was crying. The bartender was wondering
how he did it and the redneck replied, "A
redneck never lets out his secrets."
So, he took his money and
About a week later the
redneck came back and he saw another jar of
money. So, he asked the bartender what this
jar was. The bartender replied "Well, you
have us all wondering how you did it. First
you made him laugh then you made him cry and
we want to know how you did it."
The redneck just sat there
laughing. He says "Well, to make him laugh,
I told him my penis was bigger than his and
to make him cry, well, I proved it to him."
Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that
they weren't going anywhere in life and
thought they should go to college to get
Bubba goes in first, and
the professor advises him to take math,
history and logic.
"What's logic?" asked
The professor answered,
"Let me give you an example. Do you own a
"I sure do," answered the
"Then I can assume, using
logic, that you have a yard," replied the
"That's real good," the
redneck responded in awe.
The professor continued,
"Logic will also tell me that since you have
a yard, you also have a house."
Impressed, the redneck
"And since you own a
house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"Betty Mae! This is
"Finally, since you have a
wife, logically I can assume that you are
heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right!
Why, that's the most fascinatin' thing I
ever heard of! I cain't wait to take this
here logic class."
Bubba, proud of the new
world opening up to him, walked back into
the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.
"So, what classes are ya
takin?" he asks.
"Math, history and logic,"
Cooter says, "What in
tarnation is logic?"
"Let me give you an
example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"
"You're a queer, ain't ya?"
What does NASCAR stand for?
A redneck taped paper
to his television...
A redneck taped toilet paper to his
He said, "Hey, lookie
here, now we have free paper view!"
You might be a redneck
You might be a redneck if you have ever been
asked to leave a yardsale
You might be a redneck if you
You might be a redneck if you can french
kiss with a toothpick in your mouth.