Medical Jokes - Funny Joke

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Did you ever have this before?

Doctor: Have you ever had this before?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
 

My son swallowed the can opener

Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!

Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.

Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!

The bad and the worse news

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

Man: And the bad news?

Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.

Man: That's great. I was afraid I had cancer!

My wife is beating me

David: My wife beats me, doctor.

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

David: Every time we play Scrabble!

I'm gaining weight doctor

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet.

Trish: Really? What color?

We are the best of friends

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."

Does it hurt when you do this?

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: Well, don't do that.

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