Blonde Jokes - Funny Joke
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How to get
across the river
A blonde once
got lost near a river. She traveled up and
down it searching for a way to get to the
other side.
She tried walking in the shallow part of the
river, and she even tried grabbing onto a
branch that stretched half way across the
river to try to swing to the other side. No
matter how hard she tried she couldn't get
across.
After many failed attempts, she finally felt
like giving up. Yet, at the last moment, she
saw a person walking by and decided to
follow her--across the bridge.
Helping an
overweight blonde
An overweight
blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The
doctor advised that she run ten miles a day
for thirty days. This, he promised, would
help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice,
and, after thirty days, she was pleased to
find that she had indeed lost the pesky
twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and
thanked him for the wonderful advice which
produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she
asked one last question: "How do I get home,
since I am now 300 miles away?"
Question and
answer blond jokes
Q: Why do
Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of
frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on
Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds
her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on
Monday.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and
jumps off.
Question and
answer blond jokes
Q: How do you
plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of
a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor
wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
A: No smoking.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says
its chili outside?
A: She grabs a bowl.
Question and
answer blond jokes
Q: How do
blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
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Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom
of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded
by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to
alphabetize them.
Question and
answer blond jokes
Q: Why does
it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W,
or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been
making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen
floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in
an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from
the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in
the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the
freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Question and
answer blond jokes
Q: Why couldn't the blonde
write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what number came first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her
intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking
leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: Why did it take the blonde seven days to
drive from St. Louis to Chicago?
A: She kept seeing signs that read "stop
clean bathroom".
Question and answer blond
jokes
Q: What stops then goes then
stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q: Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just
for blondes?
A: It has "open other end" printed on the
bottom.
Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their
hands towards theirs ears?
A: They're refuelling.
Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn't want one for nights.
Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to
twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other
man.
Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the
closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a
fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
Question and answer blond
jokes
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe
past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping
pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police
car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it
was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after
she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6
months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4
years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare
office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food
stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their
relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked
into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Question and answer blond
jokes
Q: Why are blondes hurt by
peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with
dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a
blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three
legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the
head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate
it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an
arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in
another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
I Want Some Milk
Gloria the blonde once heard
that milk baths would make you beautiful.
She left a note for her milkman Alan to
leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must
be a mistake. He thought she probably meant
1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to
clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I
found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going
to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a
milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it
pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."
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