Animal Jokes - Funny Joke
A good chess
A man went to visit a
friend and was amazed to find him playing
chess with his dog. He watched the game in
astonishment for a while. "I can hardly
believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the
smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend
replied. "I've beaten him three games out of
rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging
about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a
whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I
was caught in a rat trap and I bit it
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later
guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
Wright on dogs
other day, I was walking my dog around my
building...on the ledge. Some people are
afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of
I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on
him, and now he's gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They
had little pictures of cats on them. Then I
took one out and he ran around in circles.
I bought a dog the other day... I named him
Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here,
Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now
he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an
East German Shepherd.
about mad cow disease
were these two cows, chatting over the fence
between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this
mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They
say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit
some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it
don't affect us ducks."
The story of
vampire bats wake up in the middle of the
night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's
fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's
dark out, and we don't know where to look.
We'd better wait until the other bats go
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I
can find some blood somewhere." He flies out
of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did
you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth
of the cave. Pointing into the night, he
asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
to the parrot
Peterson phoned the repairman because her
dishwasher quit working. He couldn't
accommodate her with an "after-hours"
appointment and since she had to go to work,
she told him, "I'll leave the key under the
mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on
the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By
the way, I have a large rotweiler inside
named Killer; he won't bother you. I also
have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not
talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally
ignored the repairman, but the whole time he
was there, the parrot cursed, yelled,
screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist
saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get
feed them a lot faster
was once a man from the city who was
visiting a small farm, and during this visit
he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most
extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift
a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig
would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple
to another until the pig was satisfied, then
he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some
time with great astonishment. Finally, he
could not resist saying to the farmer, "This
is the most inefficient method of feeding
pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the
time that would be saved if you simply shook
the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat
them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied,
"What's time to a pig?"
just a dog fight
walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does
anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up.
"What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker
says, disbelievingly. "How could your little
runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's