Adult Jokes - Funny Joke

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School girl job

Mr. Brown the old history teacher had a dirty mouth. He was always saying something off color or suggestive.



One day after class, Sally approaches his desk with a flock of girls in tow.



"Mr. Brown," she said, "We are tired of your filthy remarks and we aren't going to put up with in anymore! The next time you say something nasty in class, we are all going to complain to the principal."



Mr. Brown was silent and the girls stormed off thinking they had cowed him.



The next day as everyone arrives in class, Mr. Brown is reading the newspaper.



The bell rings, but he continues to read. Finally, he looks up and says, "Oh girls, you should find this interesting. The government is recruiting whores to go to Afghanistan and screw the servicemen over there for $100 a day."



All at once the girls get up and head for the door.
 

Ungubunga

Three men are stranded on an island and a tribe appears from no where.



The chief says to them, "Ungubunga or death."



The first guy asks the chief, "What is ungubunga?" and the chief simply repeats himself.



The first guy says,"Ungubunga" and the chief screws him and lets him go.



The second guy says, "Well its pretty disgusting, but I have a family." so he chooses ungubunga and gets screwed.



The third guy says, "You two are disgusting!" and chooses death. the chief exclaims, "Good choice death by ungubunga!"

Suzy's legs

I see a guy sitting outside a place called "Suzy's Legs" and I ask "What are ya doing?"
 

Climb the ladder to sucsess

This guy was walking in town and he walks by a sign that said "Climb The Ladder To Success, Only $2."



So he said "I will do it."



So, he climbs the ladder and part way up he sees a hot girl and says "Maybe they will get hotter as I get further."



So he climbs higher and he sees a hotter girl and says the same thing.



He sees another hot girl and says "I will go higher".

Helpless woman

A young lady is sitting on top of a pier with no arms and no legs. A man walks past her, and she cries.



The man goes up to her and asks her whats wrong. She says that she has never been hugged before, so he hugs her and walks off.



As he walks, the lady cries again. The man goes up to her and asks again whats wrong with her. She says she has never been kissed, so he kisses her and walks off.



She starts to sob now, so the man walks back and asks again. She says I have never been screwed before. So he picks her up, and throws her off the side, and says now your screwed.

The donkey

A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter.



He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the donkey laugh, he could have that jar of money.



So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the donkey laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.



The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sitting on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the donkey cry, he could have that jar of money.



So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the donkey crying huge tears.



As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the donkey laugh and cry.



The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger pecker then he did, and the second time I proved it.

Hypothetical vs. fact

A litte boys goes to his father and asks him the difference between hypothetical and a fact.



His father tells him to go ask his mother if she would sleep with the mailman for a million dollars.



The boy asks his mother and she replies "Hell yeah."



He tells his father what she says and then his father tells him to go ask his sister if she would sleep with the principal for a million dollars.



He asks and his sister replies "Yes."



He again tells his father what the answer was. The little boy asks "So what's the difference?"



The father replied "Hypothetically we're rich, the fact is we're just living with a couple of whores."

A day at the zoo

A little girl at the zoo asks her father, "What's that hanging down from the elephant?"



"That's his trunk," the father replies.



"No! The other thing," persisted the little girl.



"Oh. That's the elephant's penis."



The little girl replied, "Hmmm. How come when I asked Mom she said it was nothing?"



"Well... your Mother is a very spoiled woman."

Playing mommy and daddy

A little boy comes home from school and asks his mother for some ice cream.



The mother is having a bad day and snaps, "NO!". The little boy turns and runs into his room.



After a minute, the mother feels bad she snapped and knocks on his door.



"Johnny, I'm sorry I snapped at you. Do you want to play a game or something?"



"Sure," Johnny replies. "How about we play Mommy and Daddy?"



"OK," says the mother. "How do we play?"



"You go upstairs and lay down on your bed."



The mother figures this is harmless, so she agrees and goes upstairs.



Meanwhile, Johnny rummages throught the closet and finds his dad's hat and coat. He digs in the ashtray to find a long cigarette butt.



After dressing and putting the cigarette in his mouth, he swaggers up the stairs.



There, on the bed, is his mother. Johnny marches in, walks up to the bed, and says, "Get your butt out of bed and get that kid some ice cream!"

The cab driver

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.



"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"



"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.



The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? Their hookers. They have sex with men for money."



The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.



After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"



"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.

I need a toaster

A woman is checking out at the hardware store with a picture frame. The clerk asks, "Do you want a screw for the picture frame?"

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