Adult Jokes - Funny Joke

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Why its better to be a man
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?"

"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"

"I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there."

"$100 For a handjob? Are you nuts?"

"You see that Ferrari out there?"

The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.

"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."

The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.

The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.

"Last night was incredible"

"Of course it was. Just wait ‘til you try one of my blowjobs."

"How much is that?"

"$500"

"$500? C'mon, that's ridiculous."

"You see that building across the street?"

The guy looks out front at a 12 story building.

"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."

Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly blacks out twice from the pleasure he receives.

The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"

She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan. "You see that island?"

"Aw, c'mon, You can't mean that."

She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan

Q) What is the Defferance between a blonde and an ironing board?
A) An Ironing boards legs are harder to get open
 

Q) How do you confuse a blonde?
A)put her in a round room, and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q)How does a blonde Confuse you?
A)she comes out and tells you she did it.
 

Two blondes are walking down the Street, one blonde says look at that dog with< one eye. the other blonde puts her hand over her eye and goes where.
 

Q) how does a blonde get a tan?
A)She sits under a tree.
 

Q)How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
A)Her Tampon is in her ear, and she cant find her pencil.
 

Q)What did the blondes father say to his blonde daughter?
A)If your not in bed by 11 come home.
 

Q)What did one blondes leg say to the Other?
A)Between you and me, we could make a lot of money.
 

Q)What does blondes and Computers have in common?
A) They both go down.
 

Q)What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A)They both been laid all over America.
 

Q)How do you know a blondes been using a computer?
A)The Joystick is wet.
 

Q)What does a blonde put behind her ear to make herself more attractive?
A)Her Ankles.
 

Q)What are the three most common things a blonde says after having sex with a group of guys
A) 1) Thanks Guys
2)Are you all in the same band.
3)Do you all play for the Green Bay Packers
 

Q)What does a blonde and a Screen door have in common?
A) The more you bang, the Looser it gets.
 

Q)What is blonde,Brunette,Blonde,Brunette....
A)A blonde doing cartwheels.
 

Q)Why do blondes have a hard time getting pregnant?
A)Becuase they blow it each time.
 

Q)Whats the two most irratating part of a blondes Vagina?
A)1)The other Blonde
2)Other guyd waiting thier turn.
 

Q)Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A)Because they're simple easy, and taste good.
 

Q)Whats a blondes favorite Nursery Ryme
A) Humpme Dumpme.
 

Q)Why is blonde like an old washing machine?
A) Becuase they both drip after they're fucked.
 

Q)How would a blonde punctuate the following "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A) Fun Period Fun Period Fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry.
 

Q)What is a blondes version of safe sex?
A)Lock the Car door
 

Q)How does a blonde Interpret 6.9?
A)69 with a Period in the Middle.
 

Q)Whats the deffernce a blonde having her Period, and a Terrorist?
A)You can negotiate with Terrorist.
 

Q) Whats the Defferance between a blonde and a Toilet?
A)A Toilet wont follow you after you use it.
 

Q)What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A)Two tight ends and a wide recerver.
 

Q)How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A)You have to get them hot, before you put in the meat.
 

Q)Whats the defferance between a rapid Pitbull and a blonde with PMS.
A)Lipstick
 

Q)How do blondes get ooze in their belly buttons?
A)From blonde men.
 

Q)What do you call a lesbian Blonde?
A)A waiste.
 

Q)Whats the defferance between Indiana and a blonde?
A)a Blonde has higher hills, and Deeper Vallies..
 

Q)What does a blonde look for after sex?
A)I dont know, im already gone.
 

Q)What does an airplane and a blonde have in common?
A)they both have cockpits.
 

Q)Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
A)Give her a cock, and shes ready to blow.
 

Q) Whats the Differance between a blonde and a Mesquito?
A)When you slap the Mesquito it stops sucking
 

Q)What does a smart blonde, and a T-rex have in common?
A)Know one knows, no bodies seen either
 

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
 

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits
 

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball
 

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread

Q. What do you call an eternity?
A. Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
 

Q. What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
 

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
 

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here!"
 

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde!"
 

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh,I'm sorry." She gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
 

"I told her First Class isn't going to Houston "

'Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!'

'Very good,' said her mother.

'Is it because I'm blonde?' the girl said. 'Yes, it's because you're blonde,' said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. 'Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!'

'Very good,' said her mother.

'Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?'

'Yes, it's because you're blonde.'

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,' she yelled, 'we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!' And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

'Very good,' said her embarrassed mother.

'Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?'

'No Honey, it's because you're 24.'

Did ya hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and Twelve blondes were stuck on the ESCALATORS for over four hours.
 

A blonde was shopping at a target store & came across silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & brought ti over to the clerk to ask what it was,?
The clerk said, "why thats a thermos...... it keeps things hot & some things cold.
Wow , said the blonde, "thats amazing.....I'm going to buy it !" So she bought the Thermos & took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "Whats that he asked.?
"Why thats a Thermos........ it keeps hot things hot & cold things cold," shre replied.
Her bos inquired , "What do you have in it ?"
The blonde replied. "Two popsicles, and some coffee..."

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